Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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