id be glad to
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
