The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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