ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
