he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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