Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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