That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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