For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
