How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
