i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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