I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
