I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
one might say we're banned from that church
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
