I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
