based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize