I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize