Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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