Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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