Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
