just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
