dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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