dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
