I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
