So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Panties = found
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
