I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
