I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
