A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
