Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
