I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have tasted many bathrooms
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
