Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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