no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
