I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
