I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
