I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
