Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
