okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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