Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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