I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
