so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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