3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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