I think I won the penis lottery.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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