I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
