Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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