I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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