who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
