What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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