so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
