How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
