I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
