Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
