Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
