On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
