It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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