So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
