I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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