You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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