I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
