just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Non-Jews are for practice
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize