I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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