I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
