I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
