Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
