I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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