I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
