Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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