Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
