have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
