i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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