if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
