so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
