when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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