my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
