my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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