i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
