Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
