shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
