I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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