the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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