so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
