What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
