Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
