I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
