I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
