people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
