Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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