but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
