Need sex. Gaining weight.
She announced her abortion via fbk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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