He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
