It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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