Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
