Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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